Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.