All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.