he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
