Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.