P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
You Will Never Meet Anyone More Annoying Than These 23 People
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
These 23 People Prove You Don’t Have To Be A 10 To Be Good In Bed
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.