she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS