my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
You're like the curious george of whores
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Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
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I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia