now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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