tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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