I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
organizing the empties. That sober.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
