i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
