maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
