Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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