i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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