someone threw a dead crab at me
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
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