Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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