Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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