I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
