We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.