Will you blow on my dice?
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
