Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize