we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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