the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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