even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Randomize
