His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize