they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
