TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
