Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
