don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
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