you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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