you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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