Sponge bath it is.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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