my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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