i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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