I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
