Since when is my name a synonym for head?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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