she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
