oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
