Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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