after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
