Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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