Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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