I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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