the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize