I am puke
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
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He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
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God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
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