I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
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Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
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Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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