ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco