My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
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Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
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I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.