Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old