y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
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We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
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Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny