she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*