we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice