I am spending my child support on dildos
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
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Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
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I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
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