Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
