I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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