In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
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