I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
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Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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