Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
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