I think I died a long time ago.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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