It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.