covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.