fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared